**SPOILER ALERT** The following post contains a rant about the newly released film, Jurassic World, in some detail. If you have not seen Jurassic World don’t worry, it’s basically a newer version of Jurassic Park. In fact there are only two major difference in Jurassic World that are worth mentioning- #1 being the adorable Chris Pratt (*swoon*). And #2 being those RIDICULOUS heels that Bryce Dallas Howard wears whilst traipsing through a dinosaur infested jungle.
Before I engage in my high heeled rant, I should provide a little back story. Bryce plays Claire Dearing, the newly opened Jurassic World’s operation’s manager. Part of Claire’s job is to oversee multiple departments and in turn report the fiscal results to executives and shareholders. On the day that all the major events take place (i.e. scary dinosaur stuff) not only does she have to welcome her nephews to the park but she has an important meeting with the owner of Jurassic World. So it totally make sense that she would dress in business appropriate attire, because after all you dress for success… right?
In this case, if Claire wanted to be super successful, she would have gone home and changed into some sensible running shoes. Or sneakers. Or ballet flats. Heck, even sandals would have been better because the chances of successfully outrunning mutinous velociraptors in 2 1/2 inch heels is not good. Now I know many of you are thinking “Morgan, come on! Wouldn’t you want to look your best for Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) while simultaneously running for your life and trying to save your nephews from being eaten by a vicious dinosaur?”
And my answer would be YES. 100% YES.
But also I can’t look my best if I’ve just been eaten by a dinosaur.
So in the slim but still possible chance that I should ever find myself in a heavily vegetated jungle thick with animal life and also happen to have a genetically modified Indominus Rex hot on my heels, I have made a list of some excellent shoe options that are both functional and fashionable.
#1. Nike Flyknit Air Max ($225)
#2. Reebok All Terrain Thunder 2.0 ($124.99)
#3. Adidas by Stella McCartney ($83.99) These would even match Claire’s outfit!
#4. Dinosaur Repellent (Priceless)
I was going to add a bazooka to the list, but I figured that was already implied. If you haven’t seen Jurassic World yet, I encourage you to go to your closest Redbox and pick it up- if not for the action, then for the laughs! Enjoy!